In Canterbury, our official liaison officers were known as the Terrible Twins and although they forced us to drink DB (sorry Lion Red), in gratitude HoriBOP tried to steal the Ranfurly Shield which was being proudly displayed on one of the tables. I’m fast and apparently I got to the stairs before Norm Maxwell (the minder) realised it was gone. The DB (snake poison) kicked in at the top of the stairs and before I could say “BoP Mafia”, the Shield was recovered and whipped away to safety and the Terrible Twins (who admitted it was as close as the game) smilingly escorted us back to our hotel.

The Caketin crowd were brilliant and the liaison officer was brilliant. Leo the Lion shit himself and complained I was a rough bastard from the bush and I took this as a compliment to his frustration. Hori ended up in Courtney Place and at 2am waltzed into Burger King for a feed. I was immediately recognised by 15 drunken ex Rotorua Boys High now Wellington University students who were at the game. They gave me the Hori salute which I’d developed at the Caketin for away supporters and offered to buy me tucker. After the meal, a food fight started to develop. HoriBOP finally left to a huge salute from the 100 or so drunks in Burger King (half of them were bemused, confused or transfusing but it didn’t matter) and I reciprocated. I was then nicknamed the mascot for Courtney Place which is appropriate as Winston Peters (a good Steamers fan) is called the MP for Courtney Place.

Dirty Scumbag Waikato however, treated us like crap – which if you look at what has transpired since the game is understandable. A fantastic effort by the BoP Mafia in their support for the game. It was ironical that the only people present at our official away HQ, the “Outback Hotel”, that didn’t have tickets were Hori and Honki. Hori saw this as a challenge and with smoke snorting from every orifice I headed to Gate 2. Honki showed concern at my mental state but I was not going to pay to get in. All of a sudden 2 buses rocked up, one from Mount Sports and the other from Te Puna Sports. Traditional enemies came together in a show of force, jocularity, song and chants. Te Puna scored a couple of tickets and voila. They wouldn’t let my Holden in and I had to pay $5 to park in the car park (security is an issue here).

They weren’t going to let HoriBOP in with his stick and after a huge argument they relented, searched our bags and were glad to see the arse end of me. We finally got our passes at Gate 1 to get into the bowels of Waikato Stadium (I’m resisting comment). We had to wait until 4.30 (game started at 5.30) to meet Pat Mellsop who grunted and led us to our matchbox changing room filled with chickens, roosters, photographers, Canterbury (ha ha) t-shirt cannon firers, cannon and others. I still don’t know who they were. I immediately cheered up and having snuck in some Lion Red and pizza, I started a party. The Chickens (Elle McPherson lookalikes) were getting changed, I was down to my underpants and socks and we were all having a ball. And then bloody Pat Mellsop reappeared.

Next week: Further tales from Hamilton