The BOP Mafia wishes to make it clear that they in no way condone the unprovoked assault on “Mooloo”, (formerly a half man, half cow mythical creature, now revealed as merely of human flesh), that took place at Blue Chip Stadium on Sunday August 22.

While we were observed to chuckle just a little, or some might say more than a little, this was of course due to the natural comedic element of a mascot, which is of course the raison d’etre of “Mooloo” in the first place. If the tackle itself was amusing, the sight of the unmasked “Mooloo” in pursuit of his attacker reduced us to blubbing wrecks, and we wholeheartedly apologise for this. Unfortunately we never found out what he intended to do as the perpetrator disappeared into the blue and gold ranks never to be seen again.

Given that the retaliator is often punished more than the assailant, it was probably as well for the headless ex-cow as I am sure the mascot judiciary would have handed out a lengthy ban from the touchline for an incident of this type. It was, after all, a perfectly legal tackle, around the legs in the classic fashion. We can describe the assailant if required, he was sporting distinctive blue and gold colouring which should help the manhunt.

The incident happened at about the half hour mark and after fuming for a while, the ex-cow took his head and went home which, in our view, shows a distinct lack of application from the mascot. It could be a sign that he should pursue a career elsewhere, maybe in a pantomime horse if he still requires an equine connection with less physical threat. We speculated as to whether the head was damaged beyond repair or whether the mascot world is a little like the world of wrestling where once the man of mystery is unmasked, he has to retire forever. Or maybe the ex-cow had told his wife he was having an affair to explain his weekend disappearances and was mortified to be exposed as a mere mascot. Or he had told his mum he had a great career reporting on sport for a leading newspaper. We may never know the real answer and besides, it is much more fun to speculate.

I suppose we must now await the predictable complaint from DS Waikato complaining about our touchline security. Our answer is that HoriBOP was available for such tackles last season at Waikato yet nobody was brave enough to try it. Funny that. In the great world of karma, that tackle should be taken as payback for the cowbells that are inflicted on us.

And in other news, we can report that the “cherry picker chainsaw guy” was in much better spirits when he was relieved of his inflatable chain saw after the game – he was an example to all beheaded mascots everywhere of how to behave in hostile territory.