Dear Mr. Henry,

I would like to nominate myself to be an All Black on the upcoming end of year tour. Now I know that you have already selected all your players, but perhaps you could make an exception and include me in the team as well.

I'll tell you a little about myself to show you why I'm a must-pick. Firstly, I'm 2 metres tall and weigh about 110 kilograms, perfect height to be a lock. I'm both big and sometimes stupid, which is obviously a pre-requisite to make it into this years All Black team given you haven't
picked many forwards who play intelligent football.

I'm quite a lazy trainer and most people in New Zealand have never heard of me. If Jerome Kaino's selection is anything to go by, I may as well pack my bags to go overseas now. You obviously don't like hard hitters like Wayne Ormond, which is great for me because I don't really like smashing people too much. I don't want to get hurt after all, hence I don't play with  reckless disregard for my own safety like Wayne does. In saying this, sometimes I do
get frustrated and tend to throw a punch or do a stupid head high tackle at vital moments in the game. Seeing as you picked Jerry Collins who is exactly the same you may as well pick me too.

I also have this one little problem, I'm not a team player, I really hate passing the ball. But then again, neither does Luke McAllister, so you can't discriminate against me for that. On top of this, I don't like to play on Friday's because our local pub has real good discounts on Thursday
nights. I know this isn't a religious reason, but drinking is like a religion to me (And Mils Muliaina, if his urinating at the bar trick is anything to go by).

However, I feel my best attribute is that I'm from Auckland. You obviously like this feature in a player, hence selecting 8 members of a losing team at NPC level. I wont mention to you that I'm originally from Tauranga, because I know how you feel about players who don't play for Super 12 host unions.
 

Yeah I guess my form has been a little scratchy, but like you say, this is a development tour, why not start with a clean slate like I am, given that I haven't played rugby since I was 12. That leaves me not far behind these one season wonders who have come from obscurity into a 'development' All Black team.

Also while we're on the subject, my older brother wants to play for the All Blacks as well, in the backline if possible. He weighs about 90 kilos, but can tackle quite well which puts him one up on many of the backs you already selected. He is eyeing up first five. He's only ever played flanker before, but I guess you don't need to have much game experience in that position to
be selected as All Blacks first five. Don't worry, he lives in Wellington, so you wont have tojustify why you were trying to develop a player from a smaller union to your bosses.

I thank you for your time and will stay near my cell phone, ever expectant of your call.

Yours sincerely,
Auckland Warlord