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Fine-fettled Fan feeling refreshed |
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Written by Fan in the Stand
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Thursday, 26 July 2007 |
IT'S been a long time between seasons - but rest assured the Fan in The Stand is back refreshed, having ignored all things rugby since last year.
Well ... nearly.
October: My campaign to have Sir Glen Jackson sacked by Saracens so that he can return home is progressing well. I watch an early season game on the Rugby Channel and note that he only scores three tries, kicks six goals, and the match-winning drop goal from half-way barely makes it over the bar. I email Saracens to point out his disgraceful performance.
November: The Chiefs squad announcement isn't good for my blood pressure. GIVE CORY APORO A SUPER 14 CONTRACT!
December: We win the Shield again! Watching Jacko's conversion from the sideline on my new DVD copy is much better than the Queen's speech. Though I still don't understand how my first four DVDs of the game wore out so quickly.
January: Bump into Hori BOP.
February: Out of hospital just in time to catch the Chiefs pre-season training. Foster's magic works again as he converts the Air NZ Cup holders into bumbling oafs. He excludes all Bay players from the practice games as they ``smell funny''.
March: I decide that sleep is overrated and watch the Cricket World Cup. The Black Caps look certainties to make the final until they lose seven wickets in the time it takes me to wheel the rubbish bin to the end of the driveway.
April: Glen Jackson wins the player of the season award in England. This is not a good sign. To make matters worse, the White House also turns down my idea to have Greg Rowlands' face carved into Mount Rushmore.
May: I suggest to Kevin Schuler that he could do worse than to pick me for the vacant locking role. He tells me that I am too short, can't jump, can'tcatch, and would get a Super 14 contract if I played for Waikato. Junior Stand's ears also pricked up when he heard me call the coach Herb. I assured him his nickname was only because he grows lots of thyme and drinks funny-flavoured teas.
June: Mrs Stand still doesn't approve of the shrine to Wayne Ormond in the living room, even though it no longer overflows into the dining room. I also receive a restraining order in the mail from Glen Jackson's solicitor.
Apparently he really won't come back to play for the Steamers if I call him 15 times a day.
July: The season arrives. In Whakatane, Cory Aporo beats all 15 Manawatu players twice while running the length of the field to score the try of the decade. Ian Foster is looking in the other direction. GIVE APORO A SUPER 14 CONTRACT! There is a game in Napier as well apparently.
August: The mighty Steamers win their first five from five, putting 50 points on both Canterbury and Auckland ...
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