Today we have some special guest chefs for our cooking class and I for one am enjoying this pleasant secluded location.

The air is cool and heavy and I don’t usually eat so late at night, but I am assured from my expert chefs, that this is the best time for this type of cooking. The other thing that is notably different from most cooking locations is that normally there is a lot of communication going on, but I am been constantly told, that if I want that interview I have to be very quiet!

Even travelling here was a novelty, my hosts for the evening said they would only cook me a special feast as long as I would help out with some rope and travel to our location blindfolded? But what an opportunity it is though getting to cook with some members of Bay of Plenty rugby team. The most improved team in the NPC, the one John Drake even refers to, when suggesting the All Blacks try a few new ideas, like how to best commit some forwards to a breakdown.

“So Aleki, is this a Tongan specialty, this type of midnight feast”, I ask.

“Nah mate, none of us have cooked like this before, although we have thought about it in the past”, he replies with a wry smile.

Meanwhile, I see Grant and Nili are stoking this huge fire, which is keeping us all warm. Just as well we are in the middle of nowhere, as the fire is starting to rage and get quite hot indeed.

So I turn back to Aleki and ask, “are you going to tell me what we are cooking tonight?”

“Nup, it’s a secret. But I can tell you, you won’t forget this BBQ”

Well, as this is a cooking class, I’m getting a bit excited as we are obviously about to learn some new techniques.

“But Aleki, I mean it’s not as if I can see any ingredients”, I say as I reach for another beer to help cool me down, as those embers in the fire are radiating a wall of heat.

“Err, that’s because Kevin and Clayton aren’t back from picking up the food yet”

I’m starting to get a bit frustrated now, as I have no idea where I am, it’s late and I’m hungry, the other boys are looking frustrated as well and man they can drink! They almost look nervous, by the way they are drinking. I don’t know why though, I know I have a reputation for delivering fine cooking articles, but I didn’t think I would make them nervous!

I go up to Grant and ask him about his incredible season. “So the trip to France at the beginning of the year, obviously was a great move for you? It has really helped hone your skills and your combination with Jacko was probably one of the better ones in the NPC”.

“yeah, well obviously not everyone thinks so…”, he grumbles

“what do you mean?” I ask inquisitively.

“Well some of us didn’t make the Chiefs squad, did we!”

The players are looking quite edgy and starting to sharpen their knives, which is good as dinner can’t be far away as I’m starved!

“Well we all know that getting into the Chiefs is based on politics, rather than skill and talent within the area, surely you guys had worked that out by now?”, I reply jokingly.

I look around and the flickering flames are creating shadows on the players faces, they are all looking increasing angry, so I thought I would tip toe around the subject a bit more carefully from now on, in fact, a change of subject is probably a good idea.

“So guys, obviously this Chiefs things is upsetting you guys a bit, I actually thought you guys were handling it quite well?….So does anyone want to explain to me, why the secret location and the secret menu?

None of the players look me in the eye…so I ask again “well, I’m getting a bit peckish, when are we eating again?”

Aleki looks at me angrily and replies “I told you, as soon as Clayton and Kevin get back from Gary Dawson’s and Ian Foster’s house, then we will have a huge split roast and then we will eat!”

“Great!” I think to myself, “more guests…there definitely wont be enough food to go around”…