Can’t believe I am doing this but here we go, press “confirm flights” and the details are here in front of me:

Sat Oct 16            Depart Sydney 0825                Arrive Christchurch 1520

Sun Oct 17            Depart Christchurch 0825    Arrive Sydney 0855

Yep, I am leaving the 35 degree summer in Sydney to travel to the always wet and cold South Island of New Zealand for 24 hours to attend the National Provincial Championship (NPC) semi-final between Canterbury and the Bay of Plenty Steamers (being from Cork the name gets me every time).

Why ?  Why not !!!  OK, a brief history………..

Conor married Brenda, a BOP native (Kati Kati to be exact) in May 2002 and while there for the wedding, a few us got interested in the local NPC rugby team and kind of just kept on following their progress (as you do) from then on.  It’s a bit like how I still look out for the Barnsley soccer results after I met a great gang of their fans in London one time.  “It’s just like watching Brazil, it’s just like watching Brazil, Barnsleeeey, it’s just like watching Brazil” they sang and I have never forgot them for it.

Anyway, a few of us started following their results on the interweb and had the odd conversation about their progress (without ever actually seeing them play) and it kind of rolled on from there.  Then it just started getting stupid when the BOP started well this season and we swore we would go if they made the semis (never actually thinking anyone would call the bluff) and here we are………flights booked, tickets arranged for the “Peter Kelly Motors Stand” at Jade Stadium, Christchurch and Conor (travelling from Melbourne) and I (from Sydney) are off on Sunday.   

OK, have to admit I’m a bit excited now.  Having gotten over the $500 cost of the flight and the realisation that I will be spending 6 hours of my weekend on a plane to Christchurch for no real reason, I am really looking forward to the trip.

Decide to do a bit of research.

The BOP actually won the inaugural NPC title in 1976 and was promptly relegated the following year in 1977. (Hmmm, sounds a bit like following the Irish rugby team, brief ecstasy followed by years of frustration.  I should fit right in here.)  In addition, the BOP has beaten the touring Wallabies twice in 1982 and 1990.  They also won the Ranfurly Shield this year only to lose it again two games later.

OK, that should be enough bullshit to get me into a few pub conversations on Sat night.  Excellent !!!!  

Next step is to contact the BOP Mafia (check out their excellent and frankly quite disturbing website at www.bopmafia.com) by email to see where the hardcore will be on Sat afternoon.  “Nick of the Mafia” contacts me after a few hours and promises to put me on the mailing list which will record the itinerary for the weekend.  He also tells me that two 737’s have been chartered from Tauranga (the capital of the BOP) to transport the supporters down to Christchurch.  Really hope I can get to meet HoriBOP and MiniBOP (the mafia leaders) but more of that later.

Tell a few of the lads at work my plans for the weekend and they eye me suspiciously for the rest of the day.  “Did he say he was going to New Zealand for the day ?....for a rugby match ?.............involving a team he has never seen before ?.............odd, isn’t ?.....yeah, maybe he is joking…..yeah he must be”

Cath has been great about it particularly given she is six months pregnant.  Initial raised eyebrows followed a few hours later by a “You’re not really serious are you ?”  She is used to this though as I’m sure she remembers my plan during our time in London to catch the Eurostar to Calais to watch Munster v Biarritz (Heineken Cup quarter-final 2001 in Limerick) on French TV as it was not being broadcast anywhere in the UK.   We agree a deal whereby I will get the early flight back on Sunday so that we can attend the “Babies Galore” sale on Sunday morning.

The Canterbury team has been announced and things are looking ominous – 13 all blacks in the starting XV and 3 more on the bench including the likes of Chris Jack, Andrew Mehrtens, Richie McCaw, Justin Marshall and many more.  The BoP has one all black – full back Adrian Cashmore who was capped in 1997 and he is a strong injury worry.  Gulp !!!

7 am

Arrive at Sydney airport for the big day.  Not too many BOP lads around, thought there may be a few more travelling but it appears not.

Day starts well when I read that the BOP’s neighbours Waikato or “Dirty Scumbag Waikato” have been beaten my Wellington in the first semi-final the night before.  That rules out a home final for the BOP but Wellington wouldn’t be so bad !!!

9 am

The day just gets better, the in-flight movie is “Spiderman 2”, which I would never be allowed to watch at home.  Those damn guys at the Daily Bugle, they just couldn’t give Spiderman a break !!!!

2.30 pm (New Zealand is 3 hours ahead of Sydney)

Arrive at Christchurch airport (not unlike Cork airport in size and style), meet up with Conor and we are in a cab on the way into town within minutes.  Christchurch seems a nice kind of town, tree lined avenues leading into the city, lots of greenery and a nice river, some impressive old architecture and then the bubble bursts when we hit the city centre – “The Dolls House, nude striptease (is there another kind ?) 24 hours a day” is the first neon sign we are hit with.

As we are pulling up to our hotel bang in the centre of town, we spot the BOP team on a pre-match walk, they look a bit young and not very big, could be a long night.

3.30 pm

First pint at Bailies bar on the square.  We opt for the Canterbury draft bitter (just ask for DB and they will know what you mean) which is definitely an acquired taste and our second is better than our first.  We ask the barmaid (American, there are loads of them here for some reason ?) for the low-down on the night-life and we are informed that Bailies closes early at about 1 or 2 am but the “Holy Grail” will be open til 5 or 6 am. Alrighty then, we should be ok !!!!

4.45 pm

The big moment has arrived and we head over to the Crowne Plaza to meet the famous BOP Mafia.  They have clearly taken over the hotel and are in good form after seeing arch-rivals Hawkes Bay lose in the Division 2 final.  I decide to approach the first person I see in a BOP Mafia t-shirt and low and behold it is Nick of the Mafia himself.  Nick is a Pom which is a major surprise but has been a Tauranga resident for 8 years now so has finally been accepted as a local.

We are introduced to a few of the gang who will spend most of the evening with, Nick of the Mafia, Mark the Photographer, Mother and daughter team Karen and Christina, Dave the Welshman and many more.  But where is Hori……………….ah, upstairs putting on his make-up obviously ?  I had never thought of the practicalities of being a mascot before, I think I just assumed that he always looked like that !!!

Then the noise in the bar raises a notch higher and the man himself arrives in.  He looks kind of like a Yeti and is a dead ringer for Hagrid from Harry Potter.  Wearing what looks like a costume straight out of BraveHeart except in BOP blue and yellow colours, Hori is mobbed by his followers and bangs his staff (well I suppose he is like a bishop in the mafia) on the ground to signal his arrival.  He comes over and introduces himself and decides it is easier for all concerned if we are just called Paddy and Paddy for the day.  Fair enough.

We purchase our BOP Mafia tee-shirts and hats from Nick and have now fitted in seamlessly (in my view anyway).

5.15 pm

With impressive organisation, the BOP Mafia have filled 6 coaches and we are invited on to travel with Nick and Hori to the stadium.  We are indeed privileged to be immediately accepted into the inner sanctum of the mafia.  Nick teaches us the appropriate volume and style which to scream “Goooooooo the Baaaaaaaaaaay” at regular intervals and we practice all the way to the ground.

5.45 pm

Having arrived at the stadium early, we decide to have a look at the local “The Lancaster Hotel” – dog rough would be very complimentary.  There is a sign on the toilet door saying “No gang patches”.  I have no idea what that means but am pretty sure it is not good.

Knock back our DB’s and escape with our lives (which I reckon was no mean feat).

6.00 pm

Jade Stadium is pretty impressive in an under-stated kind of way.  It is by no means the biggest stadium in the world nor does it have the best facilities but I think it is just right.  Not too big (capacity of around 40,000), plenty of room to get around, a plentiful supply of toilets, pie shops, burger bars and drink outlets, they even sell candy floss, I like it a lot.

We (the BOP supporters) have been invited to the Canterbury Supporters club which is a great place.  Literally like stepping back about 40 years in time.  Brick walls underneath the stand, threadbare carpets and lashings of character.  They have the old style tables and chairs you used to get in GAA clubs in the 70’s and fantastic old photos of Canterbury heroes and teams gone by.  They also have two very well functioning bars which serve mainly bottles (the size of wine bottles) of Speights ale.  We find these too scary to contemplate and stick to the DB.

The Canterbury president welcomes us in a speech and is roundly abused for not putting the Ranfurly Shield on the line for tonight’s match.  The Shield is an age old trophy held by a team until they are beaten at home.  Canterbury was under no obligation to put it up tonight as this is a play-off game but we roundly abuse them for it none the less.  Hori responds (very eloquently might I add) on behalf of the BOP and everything is very cordial.

7.15 pm

Conor and I make our way to the “Peter Kelly Motors Stand” and meet Mark the Photographer on the way.  He had been very proud of his press pass and the fact that he would have a great view pitch-side but with the temperature now dropping to zero and dark rain clouds building he is not so sure.

Our seats are fantastic, pretty high but dead centre of the pitch and we have a great view of everything.  Just to make our happiness complete, they serve the best burgers I have ever had at a sports event here.  Well done the Canterbury union on a number of fronts !!!!

7.35 pm GAMETIME

Oh dear.

Canterbury are just very good at rugby, quite a bit better in fact than the BOP.  From the outset, they have an overlap every time they run the ball, they out-muscle us in the forwards and seem to break every tackle.

23 nil at half-time and by now the rain is swirling around the stadium in bucket loads.  It is so cold that, although there is no queue for beer, we settle for coffee.  Conor doesn’t even drink his but just holds it to keep his hands warm.

HOORAY, the BOP score just after half-time to make it 23-7 and there is hope……..until about 5 minutes later when Canterbury score again.

44-12 at the end and it’s a fair scoreline.

After five minutes of leaving we are drenched but luckily we grab a cab (thwarting a few American lads who also try to get it) and head back to the hotel.

9.45 pm

We arrive at the “Christchurch Strip” on Oxford Terrace, which comprises about 4 bars.  Bit trendy for my liking so give “Micky Finns” the local Irish bar a go instead.  Surprisingly not bad at all, decent band, good crowd, plenty of solid birds and most of all, nice and warm.

We are conspicuous in our BOP Mafia tee-shirts and are approached by a stream of people.  One very nice lady consoles us and says it’s a shame that Waikato (her home town) didn’t make the final either.  We let her know in no uncertain terms that we are delighted that dirty scumbag Waikato lost and we would never support them under any circumstance.  She retreats warily.

11 pm

Since our body clocks still think we are on Aussie time, it is only 8 pm for us so just hitting the groove now.  Met up again with the Mafia at the “Holy Grail” which is another great spot.  Big old barn of a place with music that we actually know and a clientele that doesn’t look like it should still be at school.

The lads are a bit down but we all agree it’s been a great season.  The other BOP legend I had really hoped to meet was MiniBOP.  He is the short one who dresses in a leprechaun outfit on match days.  Sadly MiniBOP is having marital problems and so couldn’t make it today.  The lads point out that at least he won us the Shield earlier in the year so he owes the BOP nothing.

Nick tells me the story about Hori and the mascot controversy.  Apparently Hori was the official club mascot last year but was sacked this season as the union felt they couldn’t control him.  Now there is no mascot, go figure ? BRING BACK HORI !!!!

Apparently a journalist from the BOP Times is keen to talk to us about our trip but he never shows.  I have feeling that work may be over for everyone at this stage as the beers seem to going down well all round.

A few of the players drift in and I recognise some of them.  None of the really big stars though.  No Mehrtens, McCaw or Jack nor even Wayne Ormond, the BOP captain who is an outsider for the All Black squad.  Sign of the times I suppose.

1 am

Been a long day now but I decide to adopt a new persona, that of an Irish journalist over covering the NPC (albeit a slightly pissed one wearing a BOP Mafia tee-shirt) and I head off to conduct some “interviews”.

First up, Marika Vunibaka, the massive Fijian winger who has played in the last 5 Super 12 finals for Canterbury:

TL:  Hello Marika, I’m here from blah blah blah and was hoping to get a few words.

MV: Huh !!! What !!!!  Nah mate, talk to the others, I git nuthin ta say. (He points at 6 ft 8 all black second row Norm Maxwell who looks down at me menacingly in a “Don’t even think about it” style.)

TL:  Well, just wondered if you had ever played against Ireland or any thoughts on Brian O’Driscoll being a potential Lions captain ?

MV: Ugh, hmmm, nah, never heard of him mate.

TL:  Ok then, any message for the people in Ireland ?

MV:  em, ah, there great mate, all of em.

Flushed with success I make my way over to Caleb Ralph (all black winger and one-time squeeze of Zara Phillips).  However, I just can’t give him the satisfaction, he is just too much of a langer, absolutely loves himself, slimes all over the nightclub chatting up every chick he passes and then, when getting no attention, starts throwing ice cubes around the dance floor.  I can see why Zara chose Mike Tindall !!!

Lower my sights and have a chat with Darren, the BOP physio.  Very nice fella and he introduces me to a few of the BOP lads who seem like good sorts.

2 am

Strikes me that the BOP mafia are not getting enough recognition from the players and management for the efforts they make in following this team (obviously getting a bit rowdy now with the help of the beer).  I raise this with Nick who brings me over to meet Vern Cotter, the BOP coach, with the intention of giving him a piece of my mind.

Vern is very large man and has a handshake that would crush bricks.  I am about to launch in when there is something in his eyes that makes me squeak out a “really nice to meet you Vern, I think you’re doing a great job” and slink off to the sidelines with my tail between my legs.

3 am

Enough is enough and I have to get up at 6.30 so we call it a night.  The Holy Grail is still absolutely hopping and there is a huge queue outside.

We say our goodbyes to Nick of the Mafia, Mark the Photographer, Karen, Christina and Hori and promise to make an annual trip going forward.  They have been top hosts and great fun and I am indebted to them for indulging us for the day.

Go the Bay !!!!!

7.30 am

Somehow, I have made it to the airport and have a boarding pass in my hand.  I sit for what seems like a very long time not moving, staring into space.  I can’t feel anything and am not quite sure if I am alive or dead.

9.30 am

Looking at sofas with Cath in Sydney.

Maybe it was just a dream (but a damn good one) ?